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Now here it is 8 years later and I am still in recovery.  Not without issues and concerns, just without the desire to drink or use drugs.  The things that I made excuses about now I make responsible decisions about.  The people I thought I could not live without are today, the people that I pray about.  The gossip that I created and perpetrated, is now the repentance that I fall on my knees about.  The cards that life handed me then are the same cards as today, just without my ego attached to them.  The arrogance and conceitedness that I used to belittle others, is now the humble pie that I swallow.  The cuss words that the demon in me spewed then, is now the rebuke of the very same spirit of itself. 

I got behind my own self 8 years ago, and let a power greater than myself lead my down the path of righteousness for the good Lord's sake.

8 years clean and sober.  December 29, 2014

8 years ago today, I found myself in a situation that was complicated to escape. I was dusted and disgusted with myself and life in general. My heart was heavy, but my drive was strong.
I was not raised like that.
I come a legacy of hard-working, determined Black women.
I had not seen my 3 babies in about a year.
I was the talk of the hood, cause I played a role very well.
I was spiritually and morally bankrupt.
I was angry and believed that I deserved to die a horrible death.
I slept and ate with killers and silly women.
The police officer that charged me with possession with intent had been watching me for months (he thought I was a twelve year old).
I had created about 100 soul ties
The last man I lived with was trigger happy and hated his mother ( he is still on the Oklahoma's most wanted list).
December 29, 2006, I left the shartel motel and stretched out in a facility for people that have trouble dealing with life without the use of controlled dangerous substances (including alcohol).
I surrendered my will to the care of GOD as I understood him.
I cried and screamed and wrestled with about 12 principalities.
I was counseled by a woman who saw something in me that I did not see (RIP Shirley Yancey).

I want to sincerely thank everyone for their Birthday wishes. This year has been hard, filled with emotional baggage that was not even all of mine. I was fired unscrupulously from a job that turned out to be the work of God in my life. He did for me what i could not do for myself. I celebrated 7 years clean and sober. I kind of fell off of my prayer life. I grew closer to my mommy. My kids got taller and stronger in the Lord. I felt like I wanted to leave my church. BUT I REMEMBERED WHERE I CAME FROM. THE HOSPITAL BEDS AND THE DRUG CHASING, THE PSYCHIATRIC WARDS AND COURTROOMS, AND HEARING VOICES THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN REAL. MY ENEMY ACCUSES ME EVERYDAY AND I CALL ON MY SAVIOR.
Oklahoma has the highest rate in the nation for female incarceration. (2,326 as of 02/06)

•45% are incarcerated for crimes directly related to drugs and/or alcohol.

•1,200 women are released each year.

•30% return to Oklahoma County.

•81% report having at least one child.

Insufficient treatment beds for women who have children.

•Lack of quality/ affordable childcare.

•Lack of transportation.

  • Double workload/ multiple responsibilities

7 years clean and sober 
These three are my reasons for staying in recovery. 

•Poverty/less disposable income.

•Sexual abuse/domestic violence.

•Loss of child custody or separation.

  • Harsh social stigma of being a “bad mom

Stephanie's College Journey 

American Literature

Week One

Stephanie Newman

Mrs. Carla M. Swagerty, M.Ed.


Poetry is a form of communication. When a person tries to paint a verbal picture, poetry is a great tool. In my essay, I will describe some of the landscapes of Walt Whitman’s “Crossing Brooklyn Ferry.” I will explain how the ferry has an important role and how the description of the scenery plays into the verbal picture.

Walt Whitman wrote a piece of literature that was first published as “Sun-Down Poem” in 1856. The name changed finally to “Crossing the Brooklyn Ferry” in 1860. A ferry is a type of boat that can carry a great amount of cargo a preferably short distance. This is a necessary and regular service for people who inhabit an island to use to reach the mainland. If you ever have a chance to ride on a ferry, you will be a part of the cargo. I can imagine that Mr. Whitman would have described a plane ride differently than he described a ferry ride he took as a young lad.

The ferry in this poem was the vehicle that helped this young boy to be free and liberated to be himself. He may have had an inclination to explore that boat because he talks about seeing the flood-tide face to face. He may have been looking over that rail to see the “similitudes of the past and those of the future.” (Whitman, 1856) the author described the feeling of curiosity being satisfied by observing that if one looked from all sides and over all the rails of the ferry, you could see all sides of the mainland. The reader could very well believe that the passengers of the ferry are leaving their worries and cares behind while being “refreshed by the gladness of the river and the bright flow.” Whitman, 1856) the bright flow of the river tells me that the author wants me to visualize the light that the ferry is giving off as a reflection onto the surface of the water. Whitman dwells on the ferry itself because when a person wants to reach a certain destination that they could not use just their feet to reach, so a vehicle is order. Vehicles that cross water are very important to modern society because it blurs all boundaries of exploration. Whitman uses the ferry as a landscape and the river as a landscape to paint this verbal picture.

The brief description of the mainland lets that reader know that to the author the destination is more significant. The author gives many references also to the physical make- up of the ferry like its “slender serpentine pennants.” (Whitman, 1856) These masts were majestic against the backdrop of “The flags of all nations.” Nature complimented the verbal picture and gave it more credibility in light of the fact that there was “haze on the hills southward and south west-ward.” (Whitman 1856) The role designated to nature in this poem is one of correlation. The author referenced the darkness more than the sun. The spots of darkness led the author to invent himself into a part of the “assembly,” (Whitman, 1856.) The appearance of the ferry and the passengers was emphasized by the author. Fortunately this ferry did not crash and cause injuries and loss of life, and it was most stately and admirable for the service it performed multiple times a day. The ferry carted many people who maybe had the same outlook as the author, but the author persevered over the evil nature of the person using the vehicle.

The role of nature was to “stand up!”(Whitman, 1856) Stand up and be noticed. Stand up and expand. Just like the masts of the story. The clouds at sunset turned colors and reflected a promise from a higher power. The scenery of the poem gives the reader a glimpse into the whole concept of a boat with a mind of its own. This was a boat that gives off therapeutic aromas to help the nervous passenger cross with little discomfort. Even though the crossing from Brooklyn may be short in time, it was obviously was not too little time for a young man to find a meaning and purpose in the crossing of the Brooklyn ferry. If a person had misgivings about using this form of transportation, there would be clear boundaries set for the passengers. Boundaries not just of masts and engine pipes but boundaries of human sensibilities such as “guile, anger, lust, refusals and postponements-none of these would you cross if you give yourself up to the “gorgeous clouds of the sunset.” (Whitman, 1856)


Baym, Nina, and Robert Levine. "The Yellow Wall-Paper ." The Norton anthology of American literature. 8th ed. New York: W.W. Norton, 2012. 793. Print.


Deacon Kebe Newman Jr.


The Amen Ministry would like to give and Honor to GOD and to the Ministerial Staff of PPWC.  Today we are going to reach out to all of the believers that are struggling with self and freedom and making decisions to turn every aspect of their lives over to GOD’s care.  The times today call for believers to hold to GOD’s unchanging hand.  We need to be adamant about our beliefs and how we value our relationship with our creator.  We should adhere to sound doctrine and turn away from our own self-centeredness, hence the basis for this article.  Self-will versus Free-will that will take us away from Thy will being done IN earth as it is IN heaven. 


               Self-will can be a very destructive force in our lives.  It can drive and has driven many Christians away from the GOD of Love and into the arms of a spiritual enemy.

               Free-will is man’s GOD given means to accept GOD or not to accept him.  This choice often confuses Christians. This is due to the fact that we misconstrue it as a spiritual principle that can be effectively applied to your SAVED life. 

               THY will is self-explanatory, once we renounce Sin and stand in right alignment under the covering of Jesus blood. 


Deuteronomy 30:15-20

               See, I have set before thee this day life and good, and death and evil. 16. In that I command thee this day to love the Lord thy GOD, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commandments and his statutes and his judgements, that thou mayest live and multiply: and the Lord thy GOD shall bless thee in the land whither thou goest to possess it. 17. But if thine heart turn away, so that thou wilt not hear, but shalt be drawn away, and worship other GODs, and serve them 18. I denounce unto you this day, that ye shall not prolong your days upon the land, whither thou passest over Jordan to go to possess it. 19. I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live. 20. That thou mayest love that Lord thy GOD, and that mayest obey his voice and that thou mayest cleave unto him for he is thy life, and the length of thy days that thou mayest dwell in the land which the Lord sware unto thy father’s to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them.

In this passage we see the commands and the covenant time and again.  The commands, I believe, are to give believers standards to live up to.  The covenant is a stark reminder of why we believe in the first place.   Here God commands the Israelites to meditate on his commands.  They had gotten so far into self-will they had forgotten to humble themselves.  I find myself at times slipping into self and high imaginations sometimes the very act of making a choice can overwhelm me. (I know I am not alone on that one.)  Then I become greedy for worldly things and begin behaving in a haughty attitude.  Like “I’m saved and you cannot tell me anything.  Very conceited and self-centered.  I tend to forget that GOD has a sovereign program and he does not need my help running it.  Rather, I need his help to keep from self-destructing.  Aligning self-will with GOD’s will can be a challenge.  To meet this challenge, I have to be of the mind that GOD’s will is action taken or words spoken with  I love.  Self-will is action taken or words spoken with EGO.  Christians do not operate in EGO.  We let go and let GOD have his way.  We should also be of the mind that GOD’s will allows us to achieve the goals our ego desires, because the path taken will be one of righteousness. I challenge you brothers to ask yourself if you are still in a battle of wills.  Self-will versus GOD’s will for your life?  If so, then believe that your self-will is the undisciplined need to achieve your EGOs’ desires—NO MATTER WHAT!  If so then you should take a lesson from Paul and “die daily”.  Die to yourself and you can enter into righteousness.  Let GOD.  Look at Romans 12:2.  Remember that GOD’s will means that you will serve a higher purpose, not at your own expense. Some of the personality traits of Self-will include dishonesty, intolerance, fear, inconsideration of others, pride, greed, gluttony, self-pity, self-justification, suspicion and doubt. Some of the personality traits of GOD’s will include, honesty, interest in others, courage, humility, giving , sharing, moderation, take action, modesty, trust and faith.    

Free will is a supreme privilege-the ability to choose.  Given us by GOD our Father.  Free-will comes with much responsibility, some of which includes speaking good will upon your brothers, treating others as you would have them treat you and spreading the Good News of Christ’s blood shed for our sins.  When there is a manifestation of the spirit of GOD, then we are benefitting from our free-will choice. St. John 8:24 “ I said therefore unto you, that ye shall die in your sins: for if ye believe not that I am he, ye shall die in your sins.” If you die to yourself, then you will not die in sin.  Joshua 24:15, “ and if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom you will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the oher side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell:  but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”  A vast majority of Christians take this scripture and use it as eans of justifying their free-will to sin.  You could choose that or you could choose to see the more valid point of choosing do let GOD have his way in your life.  Anytime you feel the urge to sin, use the phrase “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”  This will cancel out your choice, there is no choice once you do the right thing and the next right thing and the next right thing. 

A good way to get the habit of doing the next right thing to Learn freedom from Free-will, is to get under a Bible-based house of worship.  A church where sound doctrine takes the place of Entertainment.  A fellowship of men, women and children that share in the joy of sound doctrine.  Sound Doctrine will cancel out the need to feed your EGO.  Saints I challenge you to dig deep into the desert of your mind and find the well spring that holds God’s will for you today.  Saints I challenge you to enjoy the messages of hope found in the Good Book. Bask in the rays of sunlight that flow from teaching that is not in error and produces spiritual health and goodness. 

Free-will is not always free. It can sometimes cost you way more than you bargained for.  Free-will can be the very nudge that pushes you over the edge to the pit of Hell.  Operating in Free-will as a lifestyle is certainly not agreeable for Christians.  Exclusive rights to your salvation can be relinquished when under the influence of Non-believers. 

When there is a manisfestation of the ego, then we are operating in self-will because then we become farther away from the voice of GOD and we become spiritually hard of hearing. Christians learn that their free will is the property of the spirit.  This lesson is some meat of the bible. We can also learn that free-will  is the property of the spirit and if we adjust our thought processes and our spirituality accordingly, we can enter into righteousness.


Every Blessing Upon You Saints of GOD

this is what we look like when we recover

sister kalipso a.k.a stephanie newman

  Do you have poor self-image?  Since you have been in recovery, do you like to look at yourself in the mirror?  What about a full-length mirror?  All of my adult life i had been a cute size 6 to size 12 (fluctuations due to pregnancies and using marijuana on a daily basis.  When I came into recovery, I had already gained a whopping extra 80 pounds due to some health issues while in the oklahoma County jail.  Enterring treatment for my dual-diagnosis, i packed on another 30 pounds which is the weight I still carry.  Even though I am bigger, I have been able to keep my stylish fashion sense (seen at left) and being a bigger women has allowed me to love myself-- I don't want to look like the "old" Stephanie, My self-image today is very good and I am careful to say my positive affirmations everyday to keep my self-esteem up!! Love yourself
You are a beautiful person because the gal in the mirror says so!



Monday September 3, 2012

Christian Maturity

Hebrews 5:11-14

Stephanie Newman, RSS, P.P.W.C.  Church Administrator


               Do you remember when you became spiritually mature? What age were you?  In what stage in your life were you, or are you presently mature?  If put on a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate your level of spiritual maturity?

               The book of Hebrews has been called “The Fifth Gospel”.  We can safely consider the Gospels as instructions and callings on our spiritual journeys.  The very word ‘better’ was used 13 times in this epistle.  In order to grow we must think better and get better handle on our emotions and feelings in order to behave better as Christians that need not be ashamed and are no longer nursing on the milk of the Holy word but chewing on the meat of the Gospels.    Lets’ focus on those Saints that have been attending church services for countless years,  Verse 12 tells us that by this time we as servants should teaching others and yet some of you may still be stuck on the basics of the Holy word. Look at the word basic, this means fundamentals we should have learned early on in our journey, such as Exodus 20:1-17. Clearly, we need JESUS to walk with us, clearly if we are still on milk, it may well be by choice.  Infants live on milk and have to be taught and trained to do what is right. But with a Bible-based preaching and teaching atmosphere, then we can and shall mature to the meat, if we adhere to what is right in GOD’s sight.  The very application GOD and it will not cause any harm to we who partake and put into action.  The more we do what is right, the more we mature, the more we meditate on GOD’s word, the more Christ –like behavior becomes second nature to us. 

Spiritual and emotional maturity go hand in hand, when we practice principles of honesty and willingness, then our feelings of gratitude erase our egos and our Edging, God, Out. In accordance to your faith, spiritual maturity will give you freedom from self-centeredness and victory on the battlefield of your mind.

               Is time a good indicator of Christian Maturity?  Not when you consider the time it took for JESUS to display his mission from his Father as the Son of God and the Son of Man.  As believers, we should only let time be a goal setting tool, not necessarily an indication of maturity.  For some believers, time is a great source of fear.  Time can be the very source of fear that keeps us stagnate in our journey.  One of the excuses we use to refuse to grow.  When we put too great an emphasis on time, then we negate the very concept of what JESUS told us in Matthew 24:36.  We cannot allow our misguided understanding of time gauge our spiritual growth.   Rather, grow spiritually and know that God’s time is not our time. II Timothy 4:2 tells us to be prepared no matter the time. 

               Your prayer life is a very good development tool of spiritual maturity.  Wise believers value prayer as much as they value GOD’s word.  They know that prayer will change, anoint, heal and set free any Christian in bondage.  When we are on the milk of the word we are bond by our past and the wreckage of it.  Yet with the meat comes the message in our mess.  Believers who value prayer than they value food are dying to their flesh and will experience the Joy of the Lord.  The truths that you learn about yourself, will mature your spirit. 

               I Timothy 4:14-16, this is where, when mature and on the meat, we walk out talk on all matters of importance.  We do not dignify ignorance with response and we acknowledge that chance favors the prepared mind. 

Continue to pray and study Saints making good choices will graduate you from milk to meat.

Every Blessing Upon You,




FAKE FRIENDS - Never ask for food...

FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr / Mrs!!!

FAKE FRIENDS - Never seen you cry!!!

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back

FAKE FRIENDS - Know a few things about you...

FAKE FRIENDS - Would knock on your front door...

REAL FRIENDS - Walk right in and say "I'm home"

FAKE FRIENDS - Will help you up when you fall over...

FAKE FRIENDS - Are around for awhile...!!!

FAKE FRIENDS: say "love ya" in a joking manner!!!

FAKE FRIENDS: Will read this!!!

  REAL FRIENDS - Are the reason you have NO food!!!

REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM!!!

REAL FRIENDS - Cry with you!!!

REAL FRIENDS: keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours

REAL FRIENDS - Could write a book about you

REAL FRIENDS - Will jump on top of you and shout "sandwich"!!!

REAL FRIENDS - Are for life!!!!

REAL FRIENDS: say "I love you" and they mean it!!!


the recovery wall @ ocarta join us !!! recovery benefits everyone

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